Find Your “Why” in the Next 4 Months — It’ll Be the Best Thing You Do In 2024
Here’s how
After my break up, I struggled with the whole “purpose in life” thing. Moving to New York had been that thing for so long.
But after splitting up with my ex, I’ve been flailing around for the last nine months.
That was until something happened this week.
It started with a call from my Mum.
“Yeah, we’ve got some bad news I’m afraid. Rich has been diagnosed with lung cancer.”
Fuck.
It felt like deja vu. My Mum had ovarian cancer 12 months ago and went through intense surgery. Now, her partner of 20 years is about to go through something similar.
We hugged it out on the call.
After taking a few days to process the whole thing, I realised on a selfish level this could be the wake-up call I needed.
And Rich’s diagnosis may have given me a new purpose.
Money, money, money
One of the things I’ve struggled with since my breakup is giving myself a reason to work hard.
My thinking for so long had been this: New York is expensive → I need to make more money to live there.
But since then?
It’s like my drive has been sucked out of me. Life has lost its colour, and there’s been zero incentive for me to push on.
Until now.
I think I’ve found my new why: to retire my Mum and Rich.
What does this look like?
I don’t think I’ll retire them with a lump sum. They both enjoy their work.
But what I could do is send them say $2K a month. This would help them pay their monthly bills (and more) and allow them to wind down — to not have to worry about money.
Equally, I could squirrel some away for five years and gift it to them on one of their birthdays.
I’m spitballing here.
Either way, retiring my Mum and Rich feels like a “why” I can throw my weight behind.
And it’s breathed fresh life into my work.
What’s your why?
Nietzsche once said: “A man who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
I read this in Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning. Frankl endured the diabolical realities of Auschwitz during WWII.
His why was to return to his wife and daughter.
What’s yours?
It doesn’t have to be bold or flashy. Sure, the effective altruist approach of donating thousands of dollars to purchase anti-malaria nets is incredibly worthy, but is this enough for you?
Truly enough?
For lots of people, it seems their kids become their why. Having them is like a cheat code to life. They keep you busy and inject that oh-so-important purpose.
There’s no right or wrong here, and you don’t have to figure it out right away.
Just know that if you choose the freelancing and making money online route, having a why will keep you sane.
How to find yours
Stumble into it.
I feel like the more you push and try to make your purpose appear, the further away it gets.
It’s like happiness: “Happiness cannot be pursued; instead, it must ensue.” — Victor Frankl
Now I know this isn’t the most practical advice. So if you’re pining for something more, here are five steps that could help.
#1: Journal
Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages is a great place to start.
Just spend 10 minutes every morning with a pen and notepad and write down whatever pops into your head. Get it all out. Clear the gunk.
You might surprise yourself.
#2: Volunteer at a local charity
I volunteered with Samaritans for three years back when I was at university. The experience helped me as much as the people who called us.
I’d listen as people shared the most harrowing circumstances you can imagine, and I got lost in their lives. I looked for solutions.
Talking with these people yanked me out of the university bubble into the real world.
It felt great.
#3: Cherish relationships
I’ve travelled the world as a digital nomad and get to do what I love for a living — playing with words.
But do you know the moments when I feel happiest?
They’re not the days I spend walking around temples or firing off client proposals. They’re playing cards with my Mum and Rich. They’re hiking with friends.
Relationships give life meaning.
#4: Have kids or pets
It sounds flippant, but it seems to work for millions (if not billions) of people.
#5: Give yourself a break
I recently published an article about my break up and my biological dad dying, and one of the comments was this:
Screenshot from this article
“TAKE A BREAK, SCOTT.”
(For the record, I think he’s spot on!)
Picking up the pieces
I’ve been more productive in the past week than I’ve been all year.
I’ve devised a 4-day challenge for writers who want to commit to writing and get clear on their goals
I’ve written a 5-day email course to help creators make their first $1,000 online from freelancing
I’ve started writing Medium articles again
This is on top of doing client work and contributing to my paid membership.
It seems my new “why” might be working. So I encourage you to spend the next four months figuring out yours.
If you’re in a funk, purpose can lift you out of it.
And if you’re not?
Well — you’ve got nothing to lose.
Want to make your first $1,000 online from freelancing? Learn how with my free 5-day email course :)
