One friend does this for me every time we talk
I love spending time with Holly. We can be on the phone for hours, sharing our dreams and secrets, and I’m energised by our calls.
The funny thing is, we live in different countries and have totally different careers. Oh, and we’ve never met in person.
Nonetheless, she makes me feel like I’m the only person in the end world when we speak. Because of this, my feelings of unworthiness slip away. It’s magical.
How does she do this? Here’s what I’ve found.
1. Magical people ask questions that matter.
Holly doesn’t preamble about the weather. Instead, she cuts to the chase:
“What’s your one over-arching fear?”
“Is this a love-based or fear-based decision?”
“How did you feel?”
When she first asked these questions, I smiled. It wasn’t the questions themselves (although they’re absolute stunners). It’s the way she asked them. It was like her words were reaching out and lifting me from a hole.
You see, Holly doesn’t seek attention. She wants to know because she’s genuinely interested. That’s all.
There are no hidden motives or agendas. It’s plain, simple curiosity.
2. Magical people are inquisitive.
When Holly asks questions, she keeps digging. She knows a “good, thanks” is often politeness and not reflective of how I actually feel.
After listening to my answers, she’ll reflect back in her own words the things I said. Then, she’ll pop this question: What did you mean by that?
The process starts over.
She also appreciates conversations are a two-way street. The difference is, when she speaks, her intent is to share and be helpful. She removes her ego.
Two ears and one mouth is Holly’s motto.
3. Magical people care about the answers.
Some people ask questions just to avoid quiet.
I should know. I used to live in fear that if I didn’t keep a conversation going, it would die, and people would think I’m boring. Even today, I’ll sometimes ask questions, nod my head, pretend to listen, and start thinking of what to say.
The alternative?
Take a pause.
“That’s when you know you’ve found somebody really special. When you can just shut the f*ck up for a minute and comfortably share silence. — Mia Wallace, Pulp Fiction
Holly appreciates quietness — a lull in pace — and it’s rubbed off on me. After carefully choosing her words, she listens to what I say. She cares.
And because she cares, I care.
4. Magical people can effortlessly relate to others.
Holly unearths the goodness in people. It’s one of her superpowers.
Take my dad. After recently connecting with him after 25 years, I felt resentment. Why did he leave me? What does he want? And why now?
When I told Holly, she made me see his side.
“He was young and naive, and we’ve all made mistakes. Besides, you wanted to reconnect, right? This could be a great opportunity to do that.
“It must have taken a lot of courage from him to ask this of you, not knowing how you’d respond.”
Holly’s worked through her own struggles, but it’s not the only reason she can relate. She has dazzling self-awareness.
This awareness isn’t a talent she was born with. It’s a skill she’s made an effort to improve over the years through journaling, coaching, and more.
From this, she’s learned empathy can be her ally.
5. Magical people would notice if you disappeared.
How long would it take for someone to realise you’re no longer alive?
This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot. I live alone in my flat, and last month, I experienced tightness in my chest. The thought of a heart attack had crossed my mind.
Hyperbolic, I know. It was just soreness from working out. Still, it got me thinking. Who would notice if I didn’t respond to messages?
Holly would. Just the other day, for no clear reason, she sent me this: “You inspire me so much, Scott! Keep being you.”
She knows a text is all it takes to make someone feel love.
I’m grateful to have Holly in my life. She helps me to see myself and the world through a different lens, and her intent is always positive. Most remarkable of all? I feel like I’ve known her my whole life.
The reality is it’s been less than twelve months.
In my experience, meaningful connections don’t have to be built on memories. That’s because there are people like Holly.
People who make you feel loved and worthy and deserving of happiness. People who ask questions that matter and care about your answers. People who let you know you’re never alone.
Most important of all? Magical people make you feel worthy, not because they want anything. They do so because they treat everyone the same.
It’s their worldview.
So I hope a magical person waltzes into your life. When you connect, you’ll know, and they’ll sprinkle your life with a wonderful quality you’ll think is for someone else.